Whatever you do, don't.
by Gatomon1
Summary: Well, here's my attempt at humor, for now. This is what happens when I get bored! Please read and review!


Well, my attempt at humor for the time being! I hope you all enjoy!

~*Whatever you do, Don't*~

Hello, all! It is I, the wonderful Yamato Ishida, who, because of my charming nature and wonderful hair, have managed to acquire my own television (or fanfiction!) show!

I will now lead you through some of the worst things that you can do in life. So, welcome to my show, 'whatever you do, don't.'

_Spotlight shines_

Where shall we start? There are so many things…ah hah! I know!

Never…and I mean _never_…hold a sharp object over your wrists. Chances are that you friends and family will think that you are trying to commit suicide. Yes. _Even_ if you're just trying to get yesterday's gum off your arm.

There's a quote that goes, "We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." It's true, people. Completely true! Trust me…I've tried! I've _tried_ to fly! I really have! Except…I ended up in the mud…not the sky. And I can guarantee you…the someone you'll want to grab hold of is someone…or _something…_with wings. Yes, wings would help.

Now, one of the most _important_ things…when fans start chasing you…run! If not, you'll never escape alive and without a million proposals. Trust me. Once, I didn't run. And it wasn't pretty! I ended up having to promise 314 girls what I would marry them.

When someone says 'don't look back,'…it's a good thing _not_ to look back! Especially in the Digital world…chances are that you'll find something chasing you and end up frozen in place from fear. And then…you end up with a month long visit to the nearest hospital.

Now, I've heard of a quote that goes, 'Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.' Now, when someone says that, _believe me…_they _don't_ mean physically. Only _mentally._ For one thing…that trail your trying to make will _often_ lead through a thick forest or some kind of mud pit…and trust me…you _don't_ want to be trying to leave a trail through trees and mud when there's a path. Make a trail mentally, though…just don't try to _physically_ make one.

Now, someone once said to me, 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' What if it keeps happening over and over and over and over and…I think you get the point. And what if that something is _really_ bad…like…I don't know…disappearing into space and falling for all eternity? In that case, you may not want to smile. You may want to keep your mouth shut and not waste air.

"Have the courage to live. Anyone can die." Don't die. Please! Pretty please with a cherry on top? _Pleading puppy dog eyes_. If you do…It will mean one less Yamato Ishida crazed person!

If it hurts…_don't_ do it again! I am _totally_ serious. Once, I was _trying_ to cook. Key word there. Trying. I reach into the oven. Without an oven mitt. I drop the cake. End up washing the floor. With a burned hand. The next day. Trying to bake _again._ I figured the pan wasn't hot! I was just re-heating something! I swear…the casserole was only in the oven for, like, one minute. So I figured that the pan wasn't hot. Well, it turned out it was. I ended up washing the floor again. With a burned hand. So if it hurts, _do not…_I stress…_do not_ do it again!

Dropping a telephone…or Izzy's laptop…in a boiling pot of water…or a cold pot of water…or _any_ type of water…_will_ wreck the phone. And Izzy's laptop. I've tried this one, too…the phone that my dad had bought two days earlier…and Izzy's laptop…which Izzy had lent to me to finish my homework. And really…telephones and laptops cost a _lot_of money.

Well, now…that's it for today! Oh, and, in case your wondering…my hand _is_ still burned, and I _am_ still paying my weekly allowance towards the phone and laptop.

*sigh* so I was bored. What can I say? I don't really think I'm gonna continue this, unless I get a _lot_ of people who want me to. Please review!

Gatomon_1


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